Saturday, December 11, 2010

The Death of a Pretty Good Blog

And that's a wrap folks.

Btw, check out my last blog for a good goodbye song by the Coop.

Have a Merry Christmas.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Wild Things (1998)

I'm feeling lazy tonight, so...plot:

"In south Florida, a high school counselor is accused of rape by a manipulative rich girl and her trailer trash classmate. The cop on the case begins to suspect a conspiracy and dives into an elaborate and devious web of greed and betrayal to find the truth."

The counselor is Matt Dylon, the officer is Kevin Bacon, the "trailer trash classmate" is Neve Campbell and the "rich girl" is Denise Richards. (I told you I was feeling lazy). Bill Murray also makes a surprise appearance as a quirky (what else?) defense lawyer.

The film is described as a "erotic thriller" and that's exactly what it is. There are numerous nudity scenes as well as pretty graphic sex scenes. The plot is so-so relying mostly on countless twists throughout to keep the audience focused.

Honestly, this just isn't a very good movie. None of the characters are likable (except for Murray but he's not exactly a main character). The plot isn't all that praiseworthy but the film is probably worth a watch just because the plot twists are actually quite surprising and well done. I give it 2 out of 5 stars, I should probably rate it higher just because of the twists, but...nah.

And, well...That's it.

I'm done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And here is a goodbye song performed by the great and legendary Alice Cooper

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Last of the Horoscopes

  • Aries Love has been compared to many, many things, but thanks to your unique outsider's perspective, you'll be the first to spot its uncanny resemblance to the international bauxite market.
  • Taurus Although it's true that violence never solves anything, it turns out it's just fine for a quick temporary fix in many situations.
  • Gemini The say that it's not how well the bear dances that's impressive, but that the bear can dance at all, which is kind of insulting considering the number of hours you spent teaching it.
  • Cancer You'll come to in a new Orleans brothel between a dead politician's daughter and a duffel bag full of cash, but unfortunately it's all easily explained and is cleared up within minutes.
  • Leo Okay, the stars realize that last week's prediction of increasingly lower temperatures may not have been that impressive, but this week's incubus invasion should make up for it.
  • Virgo The old saying that there are no second acts in life may or may not be true for everyone, but you're going to be more concerned with how they just skipped ahead to the ending.
  • Libra You'll singlehandedly embody the dreams of an entire nation when you gat a very large food item for free after eating said item in less than an hour.
  • Scorpio You'll soon provide proof that a small, dedicated group of people can change the world by accidentally driving a rented moving truck into a petroleum storage facility.
  • Sagittarius Your week will be so varied, interesting, and surprising that eventually the coroner will just give up, shrug, and write "heart failure" in the spot marked "Cause of Death."
  • Capricorn This will be a good week to renew the bonds of friendship, especially the ones on the nurse you keep chained to the basement water heater.
  • Aquarius While it's true that only God can judge you, it also won't take Him more than a couple seconds.
  • Pisces Your biggest mistake wasn't assuming there was some kind of secret to life. It was assuming that it was the kind of secret that would make your life better.

The Book of Eli

The Book of Eli takes places in the aftermath of a nuclear apocalypse(generally described). It's more or less present day, except with roving bands of marauders, cutthroats (or is that repetitive?) and cannibals. In the midst of all this craziness and death is a man, a grizzly and dangerous man seemingly intent on a unspecified mission. Eli (Denzel Washington) is making his way West across what's left of the ravaged plains of America. He is a man of great mystery as is a book he carries with him hidden within his backpack (it's the Bible, there I ruined it for you). On a side note, this is a pretty one-dimensional character, he is largely a quiet man of action, so not many actors could pull this off. Denzel however does a very good job - he is truly believable and carries a certain presence about him on the screen.

Well, eventually he makes it to a small, desolate town run by Carnegie (Gary Oldman - the guy from Dracula and Batman). Carnegie is a ruthless despot (more or less) of his own small little town. He is in search for the last remaining Bibles because he sees great power if he were to gain possession of one of them. He uses a local band of gang members and mercenaries to get this done. Just wait until Eli comes strolling into town and Carnegie finds out whats in his pack - then all hell breaks loose!! No, I really didn't give anything away. Trust me. Oldman is also a hell of an actor and can portray countless emotions through slight facial expressions. He plays a truly evil character - allergories (allegories?) to the devil abound.

Lastly, Mila Kunis plays Solaris, the attractive daughter to the ruthless Carnegie and will play a important part later in the movie.

This movie was very good. It is very violent and pretty action packed. And it is one of the most religious movies I've ever seen - I mean it's very heavy handed stuff. A good Catholic boy like me loved it but it's definitely not for everyone. It's a religious tale with a machete and a shotgun thrown it.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

The Onion's Weekly Horoscopes

Btw, I had to miss class today, I did actually do my paper. My car's been acting up. The battery light has been on for awhile and it actually died yesterday right in the white building parking lot, so I had to get jumped. So, I couldn't make it to any of my classes Thurs. Fixing it tomorrow though.

And now, your horoscopes!

 They're really funny this week:

  • Aries Your excitement at winning a trip to the big city will be painful to watch for all those who know what happened to the other pretty Ukrainian teens who entered the contest.
  • Taurus You will be celebrated and vilified in equal measure when you scientifically determine the exact point at which a cute kitten becomes a full-grown cat and starts to suck.
  • Gemini You've always thought that blimps were kind of relaxing, but that was before you experienced the long, drawn-out, almost boring horror of a three-hour accident.
  • Cancer Trouble arises in the workplace when, after overhearing your remark about Lincoln having freed the slaves, your boss whips you, chains you to the drill press, and remarks that Lincoln was a long way from Shenzhen.
  • Leo The supposedly open-minded residents of your hometown will shun you for sleeping with white women, especially when they find out you've been using lead-based paint to get them that way.
  • Virgo You'll find it difficult to express your pride when the local nursing college lists your "activities" as the reason enrollment is down.
  • Libra While it's true that a lot of music contains sexual innuendo, you're pretty much alone in thinking that Beethoven's Fifth has an undeniable copulatory rhythm.
  • Scorpio You've always believed that you've left your lovers happy, satisfied, and thinking fondly of you, but their plaintive oinking and squealing would seem to suggest otherwise.
  • Sagittarius You awoke this morning a young man without a care in the world, but due to cosmic events beyond your control, you'll end the day as the oldest woman ever in≠ducted into the Country Music Hall of Fame.
  • Capricorn Sometimes you just have to sit back and laugh at the hilarity of it all, but sometime's it's better to actually help people out of the burning building.
  • Aquarius Although you are firmly convinced there are some things that mankind was just not meant to know, you're not exactly sure how you're supposed to be able to tell what they are.
  • Pisces Someday in the future, long after you've died and passed from living memory, really won't be that long from now.

Monday, November 29, 2010

Leslie Nielson, RIP 84

Ok, so Leslie Nielson passed away last night and I was - am a huge fan of his movies and his comedic style. He always played his roles on a serious dry note which made the humor so much funnier. Naked Gun is still one of my favorite movies and I've decided to dedicate this blog just to him.

Airplane Don't Call Me Shirley:

Airplane Fish:

Clips from Naked Gun, the movie:

And the famous umpire scene where he goes undercover:

Naked Gun Show:

Scary Movie:

And lastly, this is a Leslie Nielson prank call:

Thursday, November 25, 2010

The Onion's Weekly Horoscopes

Here are the weekly Onion Horoscopes and Happy Thanksgiving!!!!

  • Aries Applying tactics found in classic American folktales to your problems seemed like a good idea, but it turns out collection agencies have gotten wise to the old Tar Baby trick.
  • Taurus You'll try to set the world afire with the unbridled passion of your incandescent prose, but fail so badly you're hailed as the next John Updike.
  • Gemini In the end, you won't wish you'd done anything differently; you'll just wish you hadn't had to do anything.
  • Cancer You thought having a cat would be fun, but it's been 10 days and it hasn't even gotten itself anything to eat yet.
  • Leo Love ends, sometimes bit by bit, sometimes suddenly, but it does end. That said, it's unusual for it to jump off a bridge like that.
  • Virgo Mercury rising in your sign indicates that things are getting hotter, as the mercury has expanded, causing it to rise up the thermometer.
  • Libra Don't let people tell you that you can't be anything you want in life. Surgical techniques and gene-grafting will soon allow anyone to assume giraffe form.
  • Scorpio Somehow you always thought that when you got to a certain age the clothes would be a lot better.
  • Sagittarius Life may be a series of small and inevitable defeats culminating in death, but look at it this way: You won't have to put up with as much of it as most people.
  • Capricorn You thought there was nothing in life that the music of Al Green couldn't fix, but then you found out about reactor meltdowns, crop failure, and cardiac embolisms.
  • Aquarius You will soon get a nicer job selling higher-quality sweatpants to a somewhat better class of people.
  • Pisces This will be a week of surprise after surprise, which will become tiresome after a few hours, terrifying after a few days, and unspeakable after that.