A Sad and Pathetic Attempt at 300 Words

 Cold Update

• Well, the Vernors and the Zicam (Free Publicity) sure helped and I'm feeling a lot better except for this stupid cough. Yes, I punched my cold square in the nose or you could even say I bit a little of its ear off a la Tyson but let's not overdo it...

Here are your weekly horoscopes via the Onion:

• Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19: Venus is in retrograde in your sign this week, which you'd think would mean problems in your love life but actually indicates imminent botulism. Interesting, isn't it?
•  Taurus Apr 20 - May 20: Avoid making decisions based on ambiguous advice from questionable sources this week, even if she was in labor with you for 38 hours.
• Gemini May 21 - Jun 21: Change will come to your neighborhood when you piss off an air traffic controller who knows your home address on the same day his ex boards a 747 to Maui.
• Cancer Jun 22 - Jul 22: You've never been the sort of person who lets all kinds of supposed "signs" tell you how you should drive your car.
•  Leo: Jul 23 - Aug 22: You're starting to think that maybe the funny nose and glasses won't actually be enough to hide you when Jesus returns in all his glory.
• Virgo Aug 23 - Sep 22: Sometimes it feels as if your life's long, empty hours are all beginning to blur together, but take heart. There really aren't very many left.
• Libra Sep 23 - Oct 23: Although the doctors want to do all they can to help ease your recovery, they cannot legally allow you to make a cool chair out of your severed limbs.
• Scorpio Oct 24 - Nov 21: Scorpio is a water sign, with all that implies, but this week it will be much more important for you to pay attention to fire-exit signs.
• **Sagittarius Nov 22 - Dec 21: You'll continue to be baffled by people who expect you to be their friend and call them just because you have previously said the words "we're friends" and "I'll call you."
•  Capricorn Dec 22 - Jan 19: Love magick is strong in Taurus this week, leading those lucky enough to be born under that sign far, far away from you.
• Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18: Your death will be painful, but it will give a notorious femme fatale a chance to say "I'm afraid I've always had a rather…sharp tongue."
• Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20: Your life will soon lose all direction, which, considering how it has been going, should come as a vast relief.

Music:

Bob Seger - Ship of Fools because if you were to look up the definition of the word American you would find not words, just a picture of Bob Seger. And he would be eating Apple Pie. With a beer in his hand, but now I digress.

It's a great song, My favorite Seger song actually. Question though. Does anyone know what it's about? A ship of fools, yeah, but I mean, I'm still not quite sure what happens in the song. They sunk, I do know that much.